You Learn Something New Everyday
by ThrottaKaze
Summary: Yuffie's made some soup for Tifa. Oh dear...


"Look, I'm sorry, okay?"

"Really?"

"Really!"

Tifa gave her companion an exasperated look, "Then why are you still laughing?"

"Because laughing's fun!" Yuffie grinned brightly, "Now shut the hell up and let me make you feel awesome again." She winked and held up a spoon full of hot soup to the bed-ridden fighter's lips.

Tifa swatted the girl's hand away, "How, just _how_ is you feeding me soup, soup that you most likely made, going to make me feel better?" She crossed her arms, "No offence sweetheart, but your culinary skills are feared in several dozen countries." The fighter looked at the ninja sternly, "And don't wink at me… or pout to get your way… because that won't make me feel 'awesome' either."

Yuffie blinked, "Kweh? I wasn't aware my cooking was so well known."

"Thank the Lord for small miracles…" Tifa mumbled quietly.

Not catching it, Yuffie stood up and put a finger to her lips, signifying that she was thinking deeply about something. Oh dear.

After a small silence the ninja piped up, "Hey, what if I pout at you? That always seems to work."

"I already forbade that."

"Oh?" Yuffie grinned in a very shark-like fashion.

"Yes 'oh'. And don't even think about trying it anyway, because if you do…" Tifa took a deep breath, "…so help me Kisaragi I will not have sex with you for the next two weeks."

Yuffie's eyes popped right out of her head, "Oh my God, you would not do that."

Tifa raised a challenging brow.

Yuffie snorted indignantly, although she was freaking out a bit under the surface, "You wouldn't be able to last that long either, Tif. Don't pull that shit."

While that was probably true, the fighter thought, she had to stick to her guns. When in doubt, deny _everything_.

"Well…" Tifa looked up at the ceiling, "you'd be surprised how long a gal can last with a good old BOLM."

Her girlfriend blinked, "Ew, geez that sounds painful."

Tifa smiled knowingly, "Only if you want it to be…"

"…I have no idea what the living, breathing, writhing hell you're on about. So I'll just pretend you didn't say it. Which you didn't." Yuffie responded intelligently (in her opinion).

The fighter just carried on grinning in that annoying little way of hers.

Yuffie twitched, "Okay smartass. I'll ask Aerith what a bolm whatsit is tomorrow. _Then_ we'll see who's laughing."

The ruby-eyed women only beamed further, "Please do. And while you're at it ask if you could borrow one of hers. Promise her that you have no STD's first though, otherwise she'll freak really bad."

The ninja looked at her as if she were a really, really demented person but nodded slowly.

"Oh, could you get it all on film, too?" Tifa could feel herself on the verge of cackling madly.

"Um, okay babe but you're freaking me out a little."

Tifa merely smiled.

"Ah… yeah!" Yuffie chirped suddenly, "Back to the matter at hand." She picked up the spoon once more, loaded it up with soup and held it a ways off from her girlfriend's lips.

Tifa looked at the soup in disdain, "Whhhyyy?" She cried, looking on the verge of tears.

The ninja smiled, "Because I belted you in the face and I need to make you feel better." Her eyes softened, "And if I do this, I think I won't go to single hell."

Tifa blinked, "You seriously don't think I'd _dump_ you for this, do you?"

Yuffie put a hand behind her head and laughed a little nervously, "Well maybe I jumped the gun a wee bit." She sobered suddenly and looked at Tifa with a very sombre expression. "That and if I don't, I won't get any for the next two weeks."

The fighter cracked up a little, "That was if you _do_ feed me that stuff."

"Really?"

"Really." Tifa shook her head, amused.

"Cripes…" The ninja averted her eyes to the windowsill, "So… are you actually upset with me for belting you? 'Cause I swear it was an accident, and if it wasn't for Barret and his damn coffee I would never'a-"

"-Yuffie…" The fighter began.

"-Hit you. I mean, I'm kinda crazy sometimes, but hey I'm not _that_ crazy and –mmph!"

After a moment Tifa pulled away with a smile, "Yuffie… It's okay." Her expression turned bold, "And in all honesty? No, I probably couldn't last two weeks without your particular brand of lovin'. Probably." She added the last bit in with a slight wink.

"Good." Yuffie smiled an indulgent smile, "I'd prefer it if we keep it that way."

The fighter allowed herself to giggle a little, "God Yuffie – sometimes you're such a spanner." She looked at her partner fondly.

Yuffie smiled crookedly, "Yeah…" She leered closer to Tifa, so that she was practically lying on top of her. "…But I'm a spanner you intend to sleep with within the next to weeks, yes?" She placed a gentle kiss on the fighter's neck, "Preferably much, much sooner…" She lapped a little on a particular spot before moving to nibble on her girlfriend's ear. "Hopefully…" Yuffie kissed her cheek, "Maybe…" She grinned lecherously, "maybe even now-ish…

"If I get that yummy privilege…" The ninja hovered above Tifa's lips, "Then I don't really give a damn."

With a shudder and a mewl of what might have been anticipation, Tifa wrapped her arms around her companion and crushed their lips together.

_Several hours later…_

"Woo… been a while since we, uh, did it like that…"

"…Mm, I can't remember why I was mad at you."

"Neither can I to be honest. Hehe… Tif, you should be that creative more often. I didn't even know people bent that way…"

"Mm…'Kay."

…

"Um, Tif…"

"Hm…?"

"What's a bolm anyhow?"

"Bolm…? Oh, BOLM. It stands for battery operated love-machine."

…

"…Huh. You learn something new everyday…"

ooooOOOOoooo

HELLO PEEPS. Well, this is rather bad, it just popped into my head and I thought 'WHAT THE HAY' and wrote it down in all its random, perverse and spasticated glory. Yum x3

T'would be kickass if you reviewed! Oh yes it would you sexy, sexy things you.

As for BOLM? Blame the rolos and that godamn kangaroo (he knows where you live) xP Hope you liked it!


End file.
